Walking the path of infertility was one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced during this lifetime. If you’re walking this path, I see you, and I send you my love and encouragement because I know how hard it is. For four years, I was unable to conceive naturally, and I tried all the things. Eventually, after four years of walking the infertility path, I became pregnant and birthed my sweet twins, Ellis Andrew and Lillian Hart. Here I’m sharing some of the tools that helped me through this journey.
Let me preface this post with a gentle reminder that your experience is unique, and so was mine. Please, take what you like and leave the rest. My suggestions are based on my individual experience and may or may not work for you.
I’d want to be extremely transparent about all of the tools that I relied upon throughout my infertility journey. I am a huge advocate for therapy and found a therapist that specialized in working with women who were struggling with infertility (she actually went through IVF herself!). If you live in Arizona and want her contact info, please send me a note here. I also used a variety of holistic and modern Western medical interventions, including acupuncture, massage, herbs, IUI, and ultimately, IVF. IUI and IVF are not for everyone, and certainly has its many downfalls, but it was the path I chose.
The suggestions I offer you here have less to do with becoming pregnant and more to do with loving yourself where you’re at. I believe, for me, that the acceptance and peace I found around this issue is what ultimately lead me to conception. This isn’t the case for everyone, and as I said, this is a deeply personal path that is unique to each individual.
Be open, but, if something doesn’t feel like a good fit, that’s okay!
CREATE AN ALTAR
Having an altar gives you an area to hold space for all of the big emotions that go along with infertility. Early in my infertility journey, I made an altar for my unborn child. If you’re feeling this, go for it, but I’ll be honest and tell you that I took it apart in a fit of rage and rebuilt an altar for myself. I was so glad I did, and here’s why.
For me, so much of the infertility journey was me constantly doing and trying new things, often with little regard for my body and energy. I can’t tell you how many times Dr’s would say, “This procedure is perfectly harmless and painless!” only to discover that it was indeed painful and very emotionally taxing. I felt like a human pin cushion on an emotional rollercoaster. I needed a space for myself more than anything, not for my unborn child! My unborn children were totally fine; I was the one who was struggling.
So, my recommendation is to focus on you and honor your feelings as much as you can throughout the process. One powerful way to do this is to dedicate a space to yourself and your feelings with an altar. Think of your altar as a container for all of the big things you’re not ready to face or need a break from. I would even visualize placing my big emotions in a safe little container stored on my altar until I was prepared to confront them.
Check out the video below to learn more about creating an altar, embodying the mother archetype, and leaning into shadow for infertility.
Altars work well for grief and hardships of all kinds! Click here to check out a post I shared a while ago about how to create an altar.
EMBODYING THE MOTHER ARCHETYPE WITH BERKANO AND THE TRIPLE GODDESS
You do not need to bear children to be a mother. This was huge for me in my journey. In fact, I even tattooed the Rune Berkano on my finger as a reminder. I decided to have Berkano tattooed on my finger after I came to a place of acceptance about possibly not being able to have my own children. I wanted it as a reminder that I could be a mother in a variety of different ways. Berkano is a Rune that represents creation, birth, and fulfillment. It is often associated with fertility and motherhood.
The Triple Goddess symbol is another symbol I used to tap into the energy of motherhood. The Triple Goddess symbol consists of the waxing moon, full moon, and waning moon represent the maiden, the mother, and the crone. This lunar reminder suggests that we can embody all aspects of the Triple Goddess at different times in our life. You don’t need to be young to act like the maiden, and you do not need to have children to embody the mother. Beyond the archetypes associated with the Triple Goddess, the moon phases also point to a reminder that everything is a phase and nothing is forever, just like the infertility journey. Read more about the Triple Goddess in a post I wrote here.
You don’t have to have these special symbols tattooed on your body to work with them! But if you want to, by all means 😉 You can add these symbols to your altar, meditate on them, create art with them, and wear them. I handmake Berkano Rune charm necklaces here.
There are SO MANY choices to be made along the infertility journey, believe me, I know. Here are just a few, “Should I try IUI or IVF?” “Should I adopt?” “Should I stop trying altogether?” “Why do I think I don’t deserve to have children?” “Should I switch to a new Dr.?”, “Should I go the holistic route first?”, “What are my limits with this process?”. These are just a few examples of some of the big questions that went through my mind during my infertility journey.
When life hands you any difficult situation, meditation is a powerful tool for a variety of reasons. Meditation will help soothe your possibly stressed nervous system to give you the space to feel and process some of the big emotions and questions connected to infertility. Once you’ve gotten to a place where you’ve experienced some of your emotions, meditation can help again by giving you clarity around any questions or confusion you may have about your path.
If you’re new to meditation, I suggest trying a 5-minute meditation every day and then bump it up to 10 minutes a day when you feel ready. Click here to read a great blog post about meditation and how to start and stick with a meditation practice.
My final IVF attempt that resulted in the viable pregnancy of my twin babes happened when my meditation practice was the strongest. I was actually hosting a two-week meditation challenge on Instagram at the time. I was the most at peace I’d been throughout my entire infertility journey and can say, honestly, that I knew I’d be okay whether or not my final IVF resulted in pregnancy. Now, I don’t think it was only my solid meditation practice that made this IVF attempt stick, it was a culmination of several things, but I know that it certainly helped!
I saved this tool for the end because, though I do believe crystals are mega-powerful, I also think they can be a crutch. I like to use crystals in tandem with other tools, like the ones I mentioned above, not as a solo tool. Personally, I think crystals work best when their energy can be layered with other actionable steps.
Here’s my list of crystals to help with infertility, bonus they’re all also great for pregnancy and connecting with Goddess energy!
Moonstone– Moonstone, in all of its varieties, corresponds to femininity, the Triple Goddess, the element of water, and cycles. Working with moonstone can serve a potent reminder that everything you experience is a phase. On a physical level, moonstone is said to help regulate cycles within the body. Moonstone is a gentle enough stone to keep in the bedroom on your nightstand or under your bed.
Carnelian– There’s nothing like scheduled sex that will take the passion out of your sex life! Carnelian connects with both the root and the sacral chakra, making it ideal for connecting with your passion. It is also another stone that can help heal the reproductive organs.
Rhodonite– If you’re in the trenches of infertility, you’re going to need a lot of self-love and self-acceptance. Rhodonite is here to help. Rhodonite is also said to help with fertility directly, but I relied on it more for its emotional balancing. When I was TTC and struggling, I had a rhodonite mala necklace created for me and used it often during meditation.
Smokey Quartz– If you’ve been at this long, then you probably already know that that 2ww (two-week wait) is one of the most anxiety-provoking times of the month! Not to mention your hormones are at their peak! Smokey quartz can be your grounding and anxiety soothing bestie during this time.
LOOK FOR THE SOUL LESSON AND DIVE DEEP INTO SHADOW
My last suggestion, and it’s a pretty esoteric one, is to look for the soul lessons in your infertility journey. I believe, before we are born, our souls decide what lessons we need to learn while in human form to help us progress. For me, this is where therapy and meditation really helped. It became evident to me throughout my process that I had a deep belief that I did not deserve to have children and that to be happy, I had to struggle.
Much of my infertility journey involved getting nice and cozy with my shadow side (learn more about shadow work here) and negative the storylines I was choosing to live in. In therapy, I explored my beliefs about being undeserving and where they stemmed from through EMDR therapy. EMDR therapy gave me the tools I needed to explore these darker aspects of my life and ultimately heal them.
My meditation practice helped me become more aware of when these stories would come to mind, so I could look at them with clarity and not attach to them. For me, this step was not the sort of thing I did in a day or even a week; it was a long process.
I could obviously write about this for an entire book worth of writing! If you’re walking the infertility path and have any questions at all, don’t hesitate to reach out to me here. Remember, there’s a lesson in everything, even when it’s hard. Nothing lasts forever, and you are always supported!
I hope these tools offer you some peace and healing. I’m sending you so much love, hope, and strength for your journey, wherever it leads you.
Cassie Uhl is a published author, artist, intuitive, and founder of Zenned Out. She created Zenned Out in 2012 with the mission to build a brand that normalizes spirituality. In 2018 she self-published her popular and interactive Goddess Discovery Book series. In 2020 her writing and art became more mainstream with Understanding Auras, Understanding Crystals, and Understanding Chakras, published by The Quarto Group. Her writing style and art combine to help marry accessibility with deep spiritual topics. It is her goal to help others understand and live spiritual practices that can change the world. Inspired by her open-minded grandmother, Cassie has been meditating and working with her energy since her teenage years. She received her 200hr YTT in 2012 with a focus on breathwork. Now, her work focuses on energy work, journeying, mediumship, death midwifery, and healing through traditional Celtic shamanic practices.